Tool Kit

Safety and Sobriety Manual
Best Practices in Domestic Violence and Substance Abuse

January 2005

If you have any questions regarding the documents found in the Appendix Resource, please contact Teresa Tudor via email or at 217-558-6192.

Wheels

Use of Power and Control Wheels

The wheels appearing in the manual are courtesy of the various organizations and individuals credited. Group facilitators are free to photocopy as many of the handouts as they wish for educational use. However, please make sure the copyright notices appear on each of the handouts. Please do not alter the handouts in any way.

Power and Control Wheel

Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill threat of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the woman's life and circumstances.

The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.

Description of the Power & Control diagram:

  • Coercion and Threats:  Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Threatening to leave her, commit suicide, or report her to welfare. Making her drop charges. Making her do illegal things.
  • Intimidation:  Making her afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures. Smashing things. Destroying her property. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons.
  • Emotional Abuse:  Putting her down. Making her feel bad about herself. Calling her names. Making her think she's crazy. Playing mind games. Humiliating her. Making her feel guilty.
  • Isolation:  Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, and where she goes. Limiting her outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify actions.
  • Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:  Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously. Saying the abuse didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she caused it.
  • Using Children:  Making her feel guilty about the children. Using the children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her. Threatening to take the children away.
  • Economic Abuse:  Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money. Giving her an allowance. Taking her money. Not letting her know about or have access to family income.
  • Male Privilege:  Treating her like a servant: making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle," being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Developed by:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site at www.ncdsv.org 

Power and Control Model for Women's Substance Abuse

Description of the Power & Control Model for Women's Substance Abuse diagram:

  • Using Threats and Psychological Abuse:  Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Instilling fear. Using intimidation, harassment, destruction of pets and property. Making her drop charges. Making her do illegal things. Threatening to hurt her if she uses/ does not use drugs
  • Using Emotional Abuse:  Making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, putting her down and making her feel guilty for past drug use.
  • Using Economic Abuse:  Making or attempting to make her financially dependent. Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money. Taking her money, welfare checks, pay checks. Forcing her to sell drugs.
  • Using Physical Abuse:  Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury by pushing, slapping, beating, choking, stabbing, shooting. Physically abusing her for getting high/not getting high.
  • Encouraging Drug Dependence:  Introducing her to drugs, buying drugs for her, encouraging drug use and drug dependence.
  • Using Isolation:  Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes. Limiting her outside involvement. Keeping her away from people supportive of her recovery. Preventing her from attending drug treatment and NA/AA meetings.
  • Using Sexual Abuse:  Coercing or attempting to coerce her to do sexual things against her wishes. Marital or acquaintance rape. Physically attacking the sexual parts of her body. Treating her like a sex object. Forcing her to prostitute for drugs or drug money.
  • Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming:  Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns seriously. Saying the abuse didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she caused the abuse with her drug use.

Copyright 1996 - Marie T. O'Neil
Adapted from:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

Excerpted from:  "Safety and Sobriety: best practices in domestic violence and substance abuse," p. 66,
Domestic Violence/Substance Abuse Interdisciplinary Task Force
Illinois Department of Human Services.

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site at www.ncdsv.org

Power and Control in Lesbian, Gay, Transgender & Bisexual Relationships

Description of the Power & Control in Lesbian, Gay, Transgender & Bisexual Relationships diagram:

  • Isolation: Restricting Freedom
    Controlling personal social contacts, access to information and participation in groups or organizations. Limiting the who, what, where and when of daily life. Restraining movement, locking partner in or out.
  • Heterosexism
    Perpetuating and utilizing invisibility of LGB relationships to define relationship norms. Using heterosexual roles to normalize abuse and shame partner for same sex and bisexual desires. Using cultural invisibility to isolate partner and reinforce control. Limiting connection to community.
  • Homo/Biphobia
    A part of heterosexism. Using awareness of fear and hatred of lesbians, gay men and bisexuals to convince partner of danger in reaching out to others. Controlling expression of sexual identity and connections to community. Outing sexual identity. Shaming. Questioning status as a "real" lesbian or gay man, or bisexual.
  • Transphobia
    Using fear and hatred of anyone who challenges traditional gender expression, and/or who is transsexual, to convince partner of danger - in reaching out to others. Controlling expression of gender identity and connections to community. Outing gender identity. Shaming. Questioning validity of one's gender.
  • Psychological & Emotional Abuse
    Criticizing constantly. Using verbal abuse, insults and ridicule. Undermining self esteem. Trying to humiliate or degrade in private or public. Manipulating with lies and false promises. Denying partner's reality.
  • Threats
    Making physical, emotional, economic or sexual threats. Threatening to harm family or friends. Threatening to make a report to city, state or federal authorities that would jeopardize custody, economic situation, immigration or legal status. Threatening suicide.
  • Physical Abuse
    Slapping, hitting, shoving, biting, choking, pushing, punching, beating, kicking, stabbing, shooting or killing. Using weapons.
  • Entitlement
    Treating partner as inferior; race, education, wealth, politics, class privilege or lack of, physical ability, and anti-Semitism. Demanding that needs always come first. Interfering with partner's job, personal needs and family obligations.
  • Intimidation
    Creating fear by using looks, actions, gestures and destroying personal items, mementos or photos. Breaking windows or furniture. Throwing or smashing objects. Trashing clothes, hurting or killing pets.
  • HIV-Related Abuse
    Threatening to reveal HIV status to others. Blaming partner for having HIV. Withholding medical or social services. Telling partner she or he is "dirty". Using illness to justify abuse.
  • Sexual Abuse
    Forcing sex. Forcing specific sex acts or sex with others. Physical assaults to "sexual" body areas. Refusing to practice safer sex. In S&M refusing to negotiate or not respecting contract/scene limits or safe words.
  • Economic Abuse
    Controlling economic resources and how they are used. Stealing money, credit cards or checks. Running up debt. Fostering total economic dependency. Using economic status to determine relationship roles/norms, including controlling purchase of clothes, food, etc.
  • Using Children
    Threats or actions to take children away or have - them removed. Using children to relay messages. Threats to or actual harm to children. Threats to or revealing of sexual or gender orientation to children or others to jeopardize parent-child relationship, custody or relationships with family, friends, school or others.

Building Safer Communities for Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bisexual and HIV-Affected New Yorkers © 2003 New York City Gay & Lesbian Anti-Violence Project

A copy of the diagram can be found on The Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence (WCADV)'s website.

Lesbian/Gay Power and Control Wheel

Description of the Lesbian/Gay Power & Control wheel:

  • Using Coercion & Threats:  Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to harm you. Threatening to leave or commit suicide. Driving recklessly to frighten you. Threatening to "out" you. Threatening others who are important to you. Stalking.
  • Using Intimidation:  Making you afraid by using looks, gestures, actions. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons. Using looks, actions, gestures to reinforce homophobic control.
  • Using Emotional Abuse:  Putting you down. Making you feel bad about yourself. Calling you names. Playing mind games. Making you feel guilty. Humiliating you. Questioning if you are a "real" lesbian. Reinforcing internalized homophobia.
  • Using Isolation:  Controlling what you do, who you see or talk to. Limiting your outside activities. Using jealousy to control you. Making you account for your whereabouts. Saying no one will believe you because you're lesbian or gay
  • Minimizing, Denying, & Blaming:  Making light of the abuse. Saying it didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying it's your fault, you deserved it. Accusing you of "mutual abuse." Saying women can't abuse women.
  • Using Children:  Making you feel guilty about the children. Using children to relay messages. Threatening to take the children. Threatening to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are lesbian or gay so they will take the children.
  • Using Privilege:  Treating you like a servant. Making all the big decisions. Acting like the "lord of the castle." Being the one to define each partner's place or duties in the relationship.
  • Using Economic Abuse:  Preventing you from getting or keeping a job. Making you ask for money. Interfering with work or education. Using your credit cards without permission. Not working and requiring you to support her/him. Putting assets in partner's name only.

Developed by Roe & Jagodinsky; inspired and adapted from: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street Duluth, MN 55802

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Advocacy Wheel

Description of the Advocacy wheel:

  • Respect Confidentiality:  All discussions must occur in private, without other family members present. This is essential in building trust and ensuring her safety.
  • Promote Access to Community Services:  Know the resources in your community. Is there a hotline and shelter for battered women?
  • Believe Her and Validate Her Experiences:  Lor a to her and believe her. Acknowledge her feelings and let her know she is not alone; many women have similar experiences.
  • Help Her Plan for Future Safety:  What has she tried in the past to keep herself safe? Is it working? Does she have a place to go if she needs to escape?
  • Acknowledge the Injustice:  The violence perpetrated against her is not her fault. No one deserves to be abused.
  • Respect Her Autonomy:  Respect her right to make decisions in her own life, when she is ready. She is the expert in her life.

Developed by:  The Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 415 E. McCarty, Jefferson City, MO 65101
573-634-4161
www.mocadv.org

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Equality Wheel

Description of the Advocacy wheel:

  • Economic Partnership:  Making money decisions together. Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements.
  • Negotiation and Fairness:  Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict. Accepting changes. Being willing to compromise.
  • Non-Threatening Behavior:  Talking and acting so that she feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things.
  • Respect:  Listening to her non-judgmentally. Being emotionally affirming and understanding. Valuing her opinions.
  • Shared Responsibility:  Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work. Making family decisions together.
  • Responsible Parenting:  Sharing parental responsibilities. Being a positive, nonviolent role model for the children.
  • Honesty and Accountability:  Accepting responsibility for self. Acknowledging past use of violence. Admitting being wrong. Communicating openly and truthfully.
  • Trust and Support:  Supporting her goals in life. Respecting her right to her own feelings, friends, activities, and opinions.

Developed by:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Abuse of Children Wheel

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

  • ABUSE OF CHILDREN

Nurturing Children Wheel

Love and Care for Your Children

  • Care for Yourself
    • Give yourself personal time
    • Keep yourself healthy
    • Maintain friendships
    • Accept love.
  • Trust and Respect
    • Acknowledge children's right to have own feelings, friends, activities and opinions
    • Promote independence
    • Allow for privacy
    • Respect feelings for other parent
    • Believe your children.
  • Promote Emotional Security
    • Talk and act so that children feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves
    • Be gentle
    • Be dependable.
  • Provide Physical Security
    • Provide food, shelter, clothing
    • Teach personal hygiene and nutrition
    • Monitor safety
    • Maintain a family routine
    • attend to wounds.
  • Give Affection
    • Express verbal and physical affection
    • Be affectionate when your children are physically or emotionally hurt.
  • Encourage and Support
    • Be affirming
    • Encourage children to follow their interest
    • Let children disagree with you
    • Recognize improvement
    • Teach new skills
    • Let them make mistakes.
  • Give Time
    • Participate in your children's lives: activities, school, sports, special events and days, celebrations, friends
    • Include your children in your activities
    • Reveal who you are to your children.
  • Provide Discipline
    • Be consistent
    • Ensure rules are of child
    • Be clear about limits appropriate to age and development and expectations
    • Use discipline to give instruction, not punish.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
202 East Superior Street
Duluth, Minnesota 55802
218-722-2781

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

  • NURTURING CHILDREN

Children Coping with Family Violence Wheel

Children Living in Violent Homes

  • TRUANCY
  • VIOLENCE AT SCHOOL
  • TEEN PREGNANCY
  • USE OF PORNOGRAPHY
  • SEXUAL HARASSMENT
  • DATE RAPE
  • SEXUAL ASSAULTS
  • FOOD ADDICTIONS
  • SUBSTANCE ABUSE
  • VIOLENCE ON OUR STREETS
  • RUNAWAYS
  • NEW GENERATIONS OF VIOLENT FAMILIES

Developed from:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Community Accountability Wheel

This wheel begins to demonstrate the ideal community response to the issue of domestic violence. Community opinion, which strongly states that battering is unacceptable, leads all of our social institutions to expect full accountability from the batterer by applying appropriate consequences. This wheel was developed by Mike Jackson and David Garvin of the Domestic Violence Institute of Michigan (P.O. Box 130107, Ann Arbor, MI 48113, tel: 313-769-6334).

Community Opinion to Batterers

  • Clergy will:  Conduct outreach within the congregation regarding domestic violence and provide a safe environment for women to discuss their experiences. Develop internal policies for responding to domestic violence. Speak out against domestic violence from the pulpit. Organize multi-faith coalitions to educate the religious community. Interact with the existing domestic violence intervention community.
  • Men will:  Acknowledge that all men benefit from men's violence. Actively oppose men's violence. Use peer pressure to stop violence against women and children. Make peace, justice, and equality masculine virtues. Vigorously confront men who indulge in misogynistic behavior. Seek out and accept the leadership of women.
  • Media will:  Educate the community about the epidemic of violence against women. Prioritize safety, equal opportunity, and justice for women and children over profit, popularity, and advantage. Expose and condemn patriarchal privilege, abuse, secrecy, and chauvinism. Cease the glorification of violence against women and children.
  • Social Service Providers will:  Become social change advocates for battered women. Refer batterers to accountable intervention programs. Stop blaming batterers' behavior on myths such as drugs and alcohol, family history, anger, provocation, "loss of control," etc. Design and deliver services that are sensitive to women and children's safety needs. Minimize how batterers use them to continue battering their families.
  • Educational System will:  Dialogue with students about violence in their homes, the dynamics of domestic violence, and how it's founded on the oppression of women and the worship of men. Provide a leadership role in research and theoretical development that prioritizes gender justice, equal opportunity, and peace. Intervene in harassment, abuse, violence, and intimidation of girls and women in the educational system.
  • Justice System will:  Adopt mandatory arrest policy for men who batter. Refer batterers exclusively to intervention programs that meet state or federal standards. Never offer delayed or deferred sentence options to batterers. Provide easily accessible protection orders and back them up. Incarcerate batterers for noncompliance with any aspect of their adjudication.
  • Employers will:  Condition batterers' continuing employment on remaining nonviolent. Actively intervene against men's stalking in the workplace. Support, financially and otherwise, advocacy and services for battered women and children. Continually educate and dialogue about domestic violence issues through personnel services.
  • Government will:  Pass laws that: define battering by men as criminal behavior without exception; vigorously and progressively sanction men's battering behavior; create standards for accountable batterer-intervention programs; and require coordinated systems of intervention in domestic violence. Provide ample funding to accomplish the goal of eradicating domestic violence.

Inspired and adapted from the "Power & Control Equality Wheels" developed by:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Immigrant Power and Control Wheel

Outer Wheel labeled: PHYSICAL ABUSE - beating, throwing her down twisting arms, tripping, biting, pushing, shoving, hitting slapping, choking, pulling hair, using a weapon against her, punching, kicking, grabbing

Description for Outer Wheel section:

  • Threatening to report her if she works "under the table." Not letting her get job training or schooling
  • Threatening to report her to the INS to get her deported. Threatening to withdraw the petition to legalize her immigration status.
  • Hiding or destroying important papers (passport, ID cards, health-care cards, etc.). Destroying her only property from her country of origin.
  • Lying about her immigration status. Writing to her family and telling lies about her. Calling her racist names.
  • Calling her a prostitute or "mail order bride." Alleging on legal papers that she has a history of prostitution.
  • Threatening to take her children away from the U.S. Threatening to report her children to the INS.
  • Failing to file papers to legalize her immigration status, withdrawing or threatening to withdraw papers filed for her residency.
  • Isolating her from friends, family, or anyone who speaks her language. Not allowing her to learn English.

Inner Wheel labeled: Economic Abuse, Intimidation, Emotional Abuse, Isolation, Denying Privileges, Using Children, Using Male Privilege

Description for Inner Wheel section:

  • Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money. Giving her an allowance. Taking her money. Not allowing her to know about or have access to the family income.
  • Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to harm her. Threatening to leave, commit suicide, or report her to welfare. Making her drop charges. Making her do illegal things.
  • Making her afraid by using looks, gestures, actions. Smashing things. Destroying her property. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons.
  • Putting her down. Making her feel bad about herself. Calling her names. Making her think she's crazy. Playing mind games. Humiliating her. Making her feel guilty.
  • Treating her like a servant. Making all the big decisions. Acting like the "master of the castle." Being the one to define men's and women's roles.
  • Making her feel guilty about the children. Using children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her. Threatening to take the children away.
  • Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously. Saying the abuse didn't happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she caused it.
  • Controlling what she does, who she sees or talks to, what she reads, where she goes. Limiting your outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify actions.

Adapted from original wheel by:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.

Power and Control Wheel - 3 Circles

Outer Wheel labeled: norms rituals values CULTURE language traditions

Middle Wheel labeled: police media courts INSTITUTIONS education medicine social services government work economics religion

Description of the Inner Wheel section:

  • USING COERCION AND THREATS
  • USING INTIMIDATION
  • USING ECONOMIC ABUSE
  • USING EMOTIONAL ABUSE
  • USING MALE PRIVILEGE
  • USING ISOLATION
  • USING CHILDREN
  • MINIMIZING, DENYING, AND BLAMING

Developed by:  Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, 202 East Superior Street, Duluth, MN 55802
218-722-4134

A copy of the diagram can be found on National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence's web site.